Viscosity: “The state of being thick, sticky, and semi-fluid in consistency, due to internal friction.” . . . “a quantity expressing the magnitude of internal friction in a fluid.”
I sat Wednesday, reflecting on a painting that I produced on Tuesday. The texture was thick, the paint mixed on the canvas, the movement was contained. This is what happens when I feel the need to paint. I push the paint from the tube onto the canvas, I pick up a palette knife and start moving the paint. There is no image in my mind, just the need to move in one direction and then the next. One color connects with another, there is merging, mixing, and sometimes domination. And still sometimes a color will emerge from behind another as if not to be over taken or hidden. At times, the palette knife is not working, I need to get my hands into the good. I need to feel the paint in my hands and the canvas under my fingertips. It becomes a physical process of making art.
The feeling of working with the paint is releasing, sensual, and ecstatic. Sometimes there is angst and frustration, usually producing the most provocative images. Art making in this way is my non-verbal expression of who I am, because there are no words. The expression comes from the deepest part within me.
Celibacy: “Abstaining from marriage and sexual relations, typically for religious reasons.”
I live a celibate life and I am a sexual being. “Abstaining from sexual relations,” does not make me a non-sexual person. Our life force comes from our sexual drive, without it, we would be dead. Connecting with other human beings is something we all need. I reach out to others primarily through service. The connection can be loving, heart-fulfilling, and communal. It is rarely sensual or ecstatic. To live a full, healthy, celibate life it is important to have ways of expressing our deepest desires, our essence.
My art making has taken me to that place of expression, sensuality, and joy. I can move the energy caught up in the “internal friction” of my inner being by putting my hands in the viscous oil paint and move it in the ways my inner impulse directs me. It is a deep connection with my inner self.
Teresa Hougnon will graduate from CIIS with an MFA Interdisciplinary Writing and Art in 2020. To learn more about her work, and the work of other CIIS MFA students and alumni follow our Medium !
