An artist prepares for launch: Written by CIIS MFA Candidate MK Veniegas
This post is part of a series by MFA candidates in their first year of study. Students were asked to inquire into their process of developing art and how they prepare to create.
Do you ever just find it arduous to actually get up and start your day? So, you sit on your bed. You toss and turn. Go in and out of sleep. Then you think, “Am I really this tired? Or am I just lazy? Is this depression and anxiety swallowing me whole?”
But you have to get up, eventually. So you do, and somewhere in you somehow you find your courage, you find your fire.
Whether it’s real or not — automatic defense or intrinsic — you show the world what you are capable of.
Finally:
Then you go home. Still full of fire you realize, “I don’t have to play alone.”
You’re thankful you have your kasamas. They make dying in this living playground worth every bit of it.
It’s great to be queer.
This day in particular, though, is a little harder than usual. You know it’s great to be queer and genderfluid. And be a person of color.
And an immigrant.
And first generation…everything.
And poor, even.
And more.
And more.
And much m o r e .
Because you get to see angles that others don’t.
But because they don’t see it, it’s that much harder for you.
Today, in particular.
But you keep going as heavy as it may be. Because you believe in yourself, and there are others who believe in you too. Your alaala tells you that there had been plenty of others who believed in you since the beginning.
As heavy as it may be…you smile a little. You know you’ll go places because you’ve always broken down the barriers that keep you from going.
So you keep going, and going, and going. You work to keep these barriers down for others like you — because they believe in you, they always have.
When your babaylan ancestors look at you, they too, smile a little because of the ways you tell your truth.
See more of MK’s work here, and follow our blog to stay up-to-date with the MFA@CIIS.
